Streams of Being #1
July 2025
Streams of Rebirth
No one tells you how spring, too, can be infested with death. How you can go into your yard and find the remnants of various animals whose parents left them to starve, thinking their younglings could keep up with longer distances. Some springs have been darker for me than most winters. Flowers are what we use in funerals, not patches of barren land.
Yet, somehow, this spring started to feel different. Its warmth started to echo signs of change. Signs that, maybe, I could redeem myself before this season, and that she could redeem herself before me. We can start this relationship anew. For spring is indeed life again. I can hear more songbirds this time of year. And the shrill meows of newborn kittens, the barking of small puppies, and the neighs of running foals who’ve only been alive for a few hours. Maybe I’ll also be able to hear myself sing this time around.
Is it safe for me to let this light seep fully into my heart? Am I allowed to let my soul be reborn before happier weather? And can that happiness spread further and wider than mere temperature? I am not sure. We are living in fearful times, and I don’t know what to do with myself. But, maybe, just maybe, before things get even worse, I can sit and watch the world rebuild itself from the clutches of the much-needed darkness of winter. Maybe, just maybe, I can be reborn from the womb of hibernation and almost loss of self, and learn to sing again.
Spring’s Child
Winter's dark It's time for you to go. I am no longer Meant for you to hold. I am warm And I am full of life. I am every flower You've let die. The sun Calls for me. It's time That I let my body answer him. And I will answer With a song, with a dance, with laughter, and with happiness. I am spring's child And it's time I let myself run free and wild.
To Take
How come, you need me to go To come into yourself again Why must my soul die So yours can be free for a little longer You give and you take You've given me so much But one day you'll take me instead I suppose that's the price I must pay For heaven is not above, nor below, But in your sweet embrace It's temporary In your fields of flowers In the fur and scales of your offspring In the food and water that you provide me with In the warmth you borrow from the sun And the cold that echoes from your moon In the steady rocks that keep me from falling Is that why, then Others like me Are destroying you? To try and take from you Almost as much as you'll take from them Before you do?
Strength
I woke up one day Went to the yard And there I found Lying on the ground Eaten by insects Two dead babies Of a cat I usually feed It filled my soul with sorrow In plain spring How could this be That a mother left her young behind To starve or be caught by ferocious dogs I want to teach my children to be strong But isn't this too extreme a way to do so?
Sing Again
For weeks, my throat had been shut tight Not even a scream could echo through the endless night I waited for you in the tower I longed for your arrival in the walls of its power To see the rays of your sunshine The colours of the flowers I could make mine To feel the air brush through my skin And your life come in It's not like I strongly hated the tower Though my heart it did devour What I hated was the silence its pain brought How there was not a single fight my limp limbs could have fought How there was no light to balance out the dark No flame that could be lit by any spark So I am glad your roots have made the tower fall For now I can sing again once and for all
Clutches Of Your Darkness
In the clutches of your darkness I fought hard to start anew Oh deep dark winter You're the only one I ever knew But it's time for me to leave you behind I'll meet you some other time But now the light is calling for me I want to follow her and finally see The thaw brings beauty everywhere There are rivers that run far and strong I'll follow their currents And find a new home
As Tall As A Tree
Stand still Tall and stable like a tree The worst has passed No more need to flee Let your roots settle in the depths of the ground Reach for the minerals you need to ingest You have everything you need If you know how to find it Reach for the sun As high as you can muster Your leaves will come green And your flowers will be ready to bloom
The Bear
In some ways, bears must have it easy. They sleep through the entirety of winter, avoiding the dark and cold. They wake up and there is a welcoming in the air, and a hope that life will become slightly more fair. Apart from the dangers humanity poses for them, sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that I could be a bear.
I wish that I could run around and roll in the fields of flowers. That I could catch my own fish. That I were so big and powerful, I would scare any dangers away. And I wish that I could climb trees with as much ease. I don’t know if I could be fit to be a bear, but I sure would like to try it. Bears aren’t forbidden to leave their house all day.
Mama and Papa say the outdoors is bad for a young girl’s skin. That one simple stain of mud won’t make me a lady anymore. But it won’t make me a boy, either. It will make me a wild beast, and no one likes wild beasts. To be liked, I need pretty dresses that I can’t go and ruin. To be liked, I must sit still and not make a sound. Only wild beasts roar so loudly. But it’s so cold inside these walls. There is nothing to do, there is nothing to be. I am more invisible than the air around me. Yet everything about my appearance is meant to adorn and bring out this place and my parents’ reputation. Bears don’t have cubs for decoration.
So, one foul day, I dared to open the door and go outside. I ran as much as I could, deep into the woods. And the further I ran, the stranger the things that happened to my body. Claws began to grow in my hands and feet. Fur and stronger canine teeth began to grow, too. I started walking on all fours. The image of a snout emerged in the corners of my eyes. Suddenly, I could catch all the fish. I could climb the tallest trees. Every animal looked at me. Suddenly, I felt seen. No longer a flower jar forgotten in the corner of a room, but a wild beast that could lead anybody to their doom. Oh, how warm it felt that day.
The Riverbed
I sat in the riverbed for a while. The current was calm and soothing. The fish were curious, but their bite didn’t hurt much. They went about their day not too shortly after. I come here to think, or to not think. Whichever is the opposite of what I am able to do at the moment. I couldn’t tell you how long I can hold my breath down here. I’m not very good at calculating time.
But by the time I rose from the water, the sun was already getting ready to set. The landscape was tinged with its golden hues, which would give way to as many colours as we can find in the flowers. A moose was eating nearby, but neither of us was alarmed. We already know each other. I figured the wolves would be arriving soon, so I decided to leave a little bit faster. We’re not on bad terms, but we’re not on particularly great terms either.
Ever since I came to this valley, things have been improving. The grass got a little bit greener. The water a little bit cleaner. Even the wood became a little bit sturdier. It’s nice to know that happened. And I like it here. I no longer need food nor drink, and most animals leave me be, but it’s so lonely. I don’t really know how to connect with them. In my past life, I hurt them all so much, in so many ways I hadn’t noticed. Big and small. I’ve come to regret that now. Indifference is just as damaging as pure hatred. So, as punishment, I was assigned to protect this valley as its new deity. I suppose my punishment was to suffer a life regretting the many ways I chose to turn a blind eye. And it’s working. Most of these animals’ feelings towards me are the same as mine back then. That’s why they bother me so much. Still, I want to protect them. It hurts seeing them suffer. It hurts seeing the land grow weaker and dirtier, and what that means for them. And for me. I’m growing weaker by the minute, and they’ve noticed it too. I wish I had a clue on what to do. I think I’ll return to the riverbed tomorrow…
Reborn
For various months, several days dawned, which I was sure would be different. I tried to make them different. But I couldn't. I lacked the tools, I lacked the skills, I lacked the heart. Every single one of those days had been the very same. Riddled with despair, searching for some sort of novocaine, to avoid their nature. Never once did I dare face the solution.
I would stare at the moon, I would paint the walls, I would write on the floor and read books eaten by mold. I would cook the vegetables I grew under the light of the stars, and sew the clothes in which I made holes from dancing too hard. Still, I couldn't ignore this nagging feeling of dread inside my body. That if I stayed here for too long, I would lose my sanity. For what I haven't told you, is that I live in a tower. I have always wanted to come down, but I never had the means to.
Or so I thought. Until the day, in the middle of this delirium, that I found a rope long enough to climb down. I tried tying it, and I did manage it, but I was too scared to make the descent. What else would be lying on the other end? So I hid it back, hoping to forget it. Everyday I would do the same activities, hoping they would help me forget it. However, deep in the night, in the safety of my sheets, the rope would appear in my dreams. The world was out there, ready for me to take. Why wouldn't I take it?
Fear. Fear gripped my spirit, and choked it to death. If I were to get rid of this despair, this troubling ache that I knew now could only be cured with freedom, a new spirit would have to be born anew. I would have to tie the rope once more, and descend it all the way through. And so I did. I climbed down, and made it. I'm still alive. I'm still here, and I'm still alright. I left the tower, and nothing down here has hurt me yet. I wonder why I hadn’t done this before… Especially since I was the one who used the rope to climb up the tower all those months ago.
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